Woooo Hoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally got a new, much nicer (not bottom of the line) washer and dryer. Our old ones were over 6yrs old, they will most likely be fixed up and given to a needy family from my understanding. I do wish I could have had them sent to New Jersey for a great family (not saying that they are needy by any means....more for convience for them) I know, who could desperatly use a set instead of trudging off weekly to the laundry mat. Anyway the picture up above is what my new washer looks like. It is a Kenmore HE2t Front-Loading Automatic Washer. The Dryer is slightly different from the washer, not a true matching set. But Hey I don't care, they are in the basement and no one will really see them but Kirk and I.....well, mainly me....LOL!! I am so excited...yep about a washing machine and dryer, I love new gadgets. Anyway the only real big difference between the Washing Machine and the Dry is that the Washers door is Chrome and the Dryers is white. The Dryer is a Kenmore Elite HE4. So many new buttons and things to get use too. It has all sorts of settings. I have to get use to not choosing temp of wash, it does it automatically for me. They have them set so that you get the best cleaning for the garment you are washing. I am hoping my clothes don't shrink to much...I have always washed all my clothes in cold except towels and bedding. So this will take some getting use too. But hey I am happy to have new ones and I hope the new washer doesnt back up into the utility sink, causing water to go all over the basement. IF that still continues then the next thing will be to have the sink lines checked, I guess.

TTC Update

Just wanted to let my readers know, that we had no such luck getting pregnant. The clomid is gone now, we need to get ourselves to the doctor and get more tests done. So we can see where we can go from here, if anywhere. Basically, we have to see where our difficulty is coming from. If it is me, probably just more intense infertility treatments. If it is Kirk (I am especially concerned about it, if something happened due to his accident and how he will handle that info), then I am not sure what the procedures are or if we can even do anything about. However I have decided that we will get the initial tests done, a sperm count basically, and if it isn't him then I think I am going to take the summer off before we start trying again. I want to give my body a rest from all those meds. I also need to have another dye test done (for my PCOS...to see if there are any blockages or cysts) I think, guess I will see what my doctor has to say about this. Will keep you posted.

Unique Sleeping Place

This is a picture of Edward, he fell asleep on his Thomas the Tank Engine Table last night. He had had a very busy day with his daddy. I woke up sick yesterday morning, so we didn't go to chuch. I have a hard time when it comes to sharing germs, I know I am suppose to teach Edward to share, but this is one thing I just can't seem to bring myself to teach him to share with others. :0) Anyway after he got home from the park and picking up a floor cleaner, he came home played a little bit, then went up stairs...threw a fit.....and then it got exteremly quiet. I went up to check on him, sleeping on the table is where I found him. Just had to share.

Edward's Big News

Edward has some great news to share, he has 2 GodMother's. He has been waiting for over 4 yrs now (that includes the in womb time) for mommy and daddy to get around to deciding who will be blessed (and will bless Edward) with being his GodMother. I have asked my 2 Sisters at Heart (Jennifer and Trisha) to fill this role for Edward. I know these 2 ladies are the ones God has put in our lives to fill this role.

GODMOTHER

She gives Guidance, Prayers and Love to her Godchild.

She teaches through example the path of God above.

I am so blessed to know that God has given us these 2 special ladies in our lives to help share in the upbringing of Edward. I know that he will always have safe loving arms around him and women in his life who will love him unconditionally and get on their knees and pray for him every night.

Fun Friday

Today was a fun day. Edward and I went bowling this afternoon. He didn't have Kindermusik or Bowling League today due to Spring Break. So today I decided we would have a Mommy/Edward day. Edward bowled a high score of 68, which was great. We had a great time, we bowled, had pizza and rootbeer, then went to Kohl's and Linen & Things to do some shopping. I enjoyed just being with my son. It was a great time. Kirk is going to take him to his Parent Tots Gymnastics Class at the local Recreation Center tomorrow morning, so I can get some much needed house work done. Not sure if they will go somewhere else afterwards or not, but every free minute will help.

My Reading List for the Spring Reading Challenge

This is my list thus far, the first 2 I have already started. Just need to start and finish the other 5 from my basket of need to read books.

• Saving Levi by Lisa Misraje Bentley
• Inside My Heart by Robin McGraw
• Tristan's Gap by Nancy Rue
• Two Little Girls In Blue by Mary Higgins Clark
• Ever After by Karen Kingsbury
• Ten Thousand Charms by Allison Pittman
• Sandcastles by Luanne Rice

Spring Reading Thing 2007

Happy Second Day of SPRING 2007! I have decided to join Spring Reading Thing 2007 , since I LOVE to read books, need to get motivated on my HUGE pile of books in my reading basket and thanks to a dear friend who also loves to read as much as I do, this will be a great motivator for me. Won't you join us on this challenge? All guidelines can be found if you follow the above link to Katrina's Blog. Now to make my list of the five books I want to finish and start. Labels: Spring Reading Thing 2007

Battling

Please know that this is not a pitty party, it is more a venting, screaming, crying, upset at life session. Please read with caution. I have been dealing with a huge battle lately.....DEPRESSION. I am on depression meds already. I know what is causing the depression I have been feeling so heavily lately. We have been (as you know from reading my blog) trying to have another baby since Sept of '06...I have been on Clomid since then. I had to have my prescription doubled from what I took to get pregnant with Edward over 4 years ago. I took my last session this month and now here I sit as I do every month...waiting, hoping, praying, trying not to dwell and trying to have faith. I want to cry because it is so easy for some to get pregnant and then there are those get pregnant and don't even want their children or do great harm them. I think why God, why them and not me? Lately, sometimes I think it is because maybe He thinks I haven't been as good of a mom to Edward was I should be. Last night, Kirk and I got in a huge fight after he got home from work. I ended up walking out, I was gone for over 2 hours, just walking around aimlessly. Sometimes I feel so trapped. I love my husband don't get me wrong. I just get frustrated. I feel overwhelmed, under appreciated, and walked on at times. It really doesn't help the situation since he doesn't have a sex drive. I need that and he just can't seem to understand why it effects me so much. I feel trapped because like tonight when I left he told me I can't take Edward, he will not allow me to leave the house with HIS son. This makes me feel trapped, because if I try to take Edward he will fight me, if I am successful at leaving with Edward then I would feel like I was kidnapping my own child, and I leave Edward (as I did tonight.....because I just had no choice....I had to get away) then he could say I abandoned my own child which in a divorce would look bad on my part. That is why I feel trapped at times. Please don't think Kirk is a bad guy, he isn't....he has been through a lot and I know that he has always been afraid of me taking Edward away from him forever. He never admitted this to me until I got pregnant with Edward and made me swear I would never do that to him. This is part of the reason why it took him so long to be convinced to try to have children in the first place. He was so afraid of this happening. Anyway, here I sit 33 days out from my last aunt flo visit. Hoping and praying that we were successful, but not wanting to say anything. Knowing I need wait another at least another 7 days for her to show before I even dare take a test....a test I dread taking because I hate getting that negative. That tends to weigh so heavy on my heart when I see that and it sends me into a much deeper depression. I know maybe I should just be thankful that God even gave me one child and just give up my hopes and dreams of having a 2nd one. But then I feel if I do that I am lacking in the faith that I should have as a Christian. I just feel so lost in the world sometimes, it is hard to be in a family but to feel so alone. I don't know maybe sometimes life can suck and I should just take the good with the bad and be thankful for what I have. I think of some that I know, how oblivious they are to the situations facing them like wanting to have more kids when the ones they already have need extra care and attention, not wanting to see it might be genetics as to why their children are they way they are. Wanting to trick their husband into more children when the ones they already have push the mom to the brink as it is. Then I look at my own brother and how oblivious he and his wife are to the fact that their 3yr old has issues and these need to be dealt with before it is to late. Then I think why am I whining? I should be grateful for 1 child, a healthy, happy well adjust child. I am grateful for Edward way beyond what words can ever say. He is truly a miracle and is one of the greatest loves of my life. Then I look at my dearest friend, she tried longer than I to have a baby, finally just put that thought out of her mind and now miracle beyond miracles (who say's there isn't a God??) she is pregnant and going to have a little Girl. I am so excited for her but sad at the same time sad for me. Selfish huh? I know that if I don't have another child this little girl is going to be so spoiled by me. She is my "Niece" and I will love her with all my heart, even if I do have more children. I think it is because I know just how special she and that she is going to be entering a very special family with 3 siblings that God placed in her family before she was even a twinkle in her parents eyes.

Then I look to another dear friend, who is suffering from Lupus. So badly, she had to have a blood transfussion. She can hardly get up and around some days. She has never been married nor has any children of her own. She loves and adores her nieces and nephew, Edward, too (he is her honorary nephew). She is grateful for what she has, and here I sit whining and getting fustrated when she has way more right than I do to feel this way. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I needed to do this, get things off my chest. It doesn't mean my depression will go away but it at least feels good to say what I need to and have been wanting to say. God Bless!!!!

On His Toes

Kirk took Edward on Friday to stay overnight at a Hotel here locally just to give me a evening to myself, since he had to be gone so much last month with business meetings. Anyways, while at the hotel Edward was jumping on the bed (something Kirk only allows him to do when they are at a hotel), needless to say Edward fell off the bed and busted his lip pretty badly on a night stand. The lip was bleeding from the inside and Edward was inconsolable. Even after calling me. Kirk kept telling Edward you can't put badges on the inside of your mouth because they wont work in there. Edward kept insisting on a bandage, so Kirk thought quick on his toes. He went to his bag, and pretended to rummage through the bag. He came back to Edward to tell him he had a magic invisible bandage (the only one he had), he "applied" the bandage to the inside of Edwards mouth. Edward stopped crying and proudly "showed" me his "bandage" when they got home the next afternoon.

Edwards Dedication

Yesterday was Edwards Dedication at Church, it went well. We were so proud of him, especially after all the fussing he had done about not wanting to do it. He went up to the front though like a little champ and even let the pastor hold him during his prayer for Edward. We got so many compliments on how cute he looked in his little sailor suit and hat.

What was he doing??

I had to get up and run to Wal-Mart at 5 Am this morning because Edward was running a temp and I couldn't locate our Motrin. While I was there there was this man in sweats and a T-shirt buying camp style dress shirts. I had to laugh to myself. First thought that came to my mind was did his wife forget to clean his work clothes or was he single and doesn't know how to do the laundry, so when he woke up and found none clean, he ran to Wal-Mart to get some clean ones (he had about 3 in his basket). I promise he looked like a man on a mission. Trust me, these thoughts gave me a good laugh. I needed that chuckle because I was tired and not wanting to be at Wal-Mart at 5 Am. Side Note: Edward is still so-so, no fever though but the Motrin hasn't wore off yet, will have to wait to see what his body does once it leaves his system.

Washing Cell Phones

I still can't believe that I didn't check my shorts and let me pretty pink cell phone go through the washing machine. Let me tell you, Cell Phones (even pretty pink ones) don't care for washing machines and being washed. Guess I will have to purchase another one. Hubby is none to pleased, it was a Razor phone. Costly. I promise it was an accident, I didn't do it to see if it was waterproof.

What's Up In The Thompson Household

Spring is upon us. We are extremely busy getting things ready in the yard for a Landscaper. We will be having a Landscaping Architect come out and draw up plans for our yard in April. We need to also have the lawn reseeded. We need a type of lawn that agrees with shade. I am not a green thumb person but I want a beautiful yard to enjoy, and some great curb appeal in the front of the house. I think how a yard is kept says a lot about the people in the house. Also looking into having the Kitchen redone. This house has only 1 small counter in the kitchen, limited cupboard space, a small v shaped pantry and you have to walk around a wall to get the dishes from the sink into the dishwasher. It always looks like the kitchen exploded because it just isn't user friendly. We have 2 choices we can either widen out the current kitchen costly but reasonable in my mind, or turn the added on down stairs master bedroom that we use as a playroom/theater room/family room into the new kitchen and relocate that room into the old kitchen (much smaller). Edwards 4th Birthday is just 1month and 3 weeks (about) away. He is so excited. He is going to have a Lightening McQueen Party. We aren't sure where we are going to have it but we have a few more weeks before I need to send out the invites. He is very excited and asks every day if today is his birthday. Mommy doesn't want it to come so quickly. Edward is going to be dedicated at Church this coming Sunday. He is going to where a cute little navy sailor suit complete with hat. Hope to get some great pictures. We have been meaning to get this done but hadn't found a Church. Well, PTL, God has blessed us with an awesome Church and Church family. I love going every week. I even go when Kirk is out of town which with my social anxiety is a big deal. We are still working on baby #2. Looks like we will have to go back into the doctors for some tests and depending what the tests say, it could be fertility shots for me....this scares me because it means multiples. Not sure if I am a good enough mommy to handle more than one baby and a preschooler alone all day long. I want a little Girl so bad, but at this point I will take a little boy too. I just need to have faith that God is hearing my prayers. I also have to remember I have to accept His Will for me and my family, it is quite possible another child is not in his plans for us at this time or at all. I do believe that God gave us science though and that we should use the medical help that he has supplied us with. Sometimes Faith is a hard thing to have, especially when you need it the most. Will post more later. God Bless!

Valentine's Day

Kirk was gone over Valentine's Day. He was in Minnesota for a Business Conference. So needless to say it was just Edward and I for Valentine's Day. We had a great day together. I had told Kirk that he needed to make sure he brought home something special for Edward from him for Valentine's Dady. I was hoping Kirk would get me a little something, even if it was just flowers. I must say that I was greatly suprised when he presented me not only chocolates but a pair of diamond ruby earrings and a 3 tier heart diamond ruby necklace....his thought was that they would go beautifully with my ring he bought me for my anniversary. Guess what??? They do. :0)

Our 15th Anniversary

I was sure our Anniversary was going to pretty much be like every year (especially since Edward has come into the world), guess I was wrong (we didn't end up sitting at home and doing nothing). We went to a nice dinner at Carrabba's Italian Grill. Edward accompanied us. After we got sat down and settled in. Kirk ordered some wine and after dinner was order, the waitress looked right at me and told me she had something for me. She left and came back with a small dessert size plate. It had cherries on it and a beautiful ruby/diamond ring. Ruby's are the precious stone for 15 years. I will have to have it sized because they don't sell rings big enough for my chubby fingers so right now all I can do is wear it on my pinky and it is way to big to be a pinky ring. It was a great evening besides the fact that Edward was (and is) very moody the whole time. Just had to share, since everyone was interested in what we were going to do.

Me Bad!!!

Wow! I did not realize that it has been over a month since my past blog post. Life has been crazy needless to say. November seemed to have just wizzed by. Where it went I have no idea. Lets catch you up....Edward took Swimming lessons for 2 weeks in mid-November. He absolutely loved it. He showed no fear of the water. He has 2 more Friday Sessions of Kindermusik in December, then the Semester ends. He will be graduating to the Preschool Sessions next semester. Class will be 45 minutes long, 30 without parents and then the last 15 with parents. I am hoping to get a few books read while waiting on him. Thanksgiving was just Kirk, Edward and I. We had an untraditional Thanksgiving dinner, a brown sugar spiral ham, corn on the cob, sweet hawaiian bread, rice, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole and strawberry-rhubarb pie, plus the ever popular variety of pickles, olives, and cranberry sauce. I celebrated my 34th birthday this month too. It was a great birthday, the best one I have had in years. We started the day off by going to church, then to Starbucks for coffee, then took Edward to McDonalds so he could play in their indoor play area, then to Comp-USA for my birthday present, then we went to the bowling alley and bowled 2 games each (Edward got a strike and a spare), then out to dinner at Macaroni Grill. Speaking of bowling. Edward is doing awesome in his Saturday Bowling League. He got 4 spares in the last weeks. We've put up the Christmas trees (the main one and the kid's one), they are both decorated now. We have decorated the front yard, but because of Kirk's accident he is unable to hang the lights on our house so we will have to have someone hired to do it. So far we aren't having any luck getting that done this year. Still trying for baby #2. I have been taking ovulation kit tests for over 2 weeks now, no sign of ovulation yet. Probably will happen this weekend when Kirk is out of town....LOL....isn't that the way it goes?

True Friends

How can you know what a true friend is? To me it is someone who doesn't talk about you behind your back, does not judge you and loves you unconditionally. Someone who is there for you through thick and thin. Someone you would trust with your deepest darkest secrets. I also think a true friend is someone who shares in your life experiences with you. Someone who takes the time to understand what your about, what your going through, what you have been through and cheers you on in your accomplishments. A true friend loves you inspite of your faults and loves your little quirks that tend to make you uniquely you. A true friend will share their experiences with you, so you know what to look forward to when you go through something that they have already been through. I have been blessed with a couple of very special, true friends in my live over the past 15 years. I can't say though that I ever had a true friend during my childhood. I thought I did a few times but I always seemed to be on the wrong end of the deal. I am happy to say though that a few friends from those years over time have been come true friends. God has also blessed me through the internet with a way to meet a couple of great true friends. Yes, that is right I said the internet. You can make wonderful friends on the internet. Some of them can even become true friends. I have 2 in preticular who meet much more than just being a true friend. One is a Sister at Heart and other is my Misplaced Sister. Your asking what the difference between a Sister at Heart and a Misplaced Sister, well a Sister at Heart is someone you wish was your sister and a Misplaced Sister is someone you relate to so deeply and is so much like you that it is like they got Misplaced in some other family. I thank God for both of them and for my other True Friends.

Boys

Why oh why do little boys have to be so destructive? I love my son don't get me wrong. I just don't care for his sometimes destructive ways. I know that he doesn't do it on purpose, that he is just being explorative and a little boy. Just needed to vent and SCREAM.

Night Time Visitor

For some strange reason lately, we have been having a night time visitor in our bedroom. Edward gets up and comes crawls into our bed. This is not a huge deal but I don't sleep well when he sleeps with us. It was bad enough when we had a King size bed, but we had to buy a Queen size for this house because we couldn't get a King up the stairs, so it is even more unbearable. Got to love him though, he is so snuggly and loving.

Caution Under ReConstruction!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a small note to let you know that this BLOG page is under reconstruction. I am trying to change a few things and make this more mine. Please bear with me as I do these things. Thanks!

Disaster Zone

I am not sure how it happens but I can clean the house from top to bottom, then just minutes later it is like a tornado flew through (under radar) the house. I know that in my house, the tornadoes names are Edward, Kirk, Storm, Bear and Sebastian for the most part. I would love for my house to stay clean just for one 24 hour period. That is all I am really asking for. Oh the insanity of it all!!!!!!!!!!!

Shhhhh!!!! NO TALKING!!!!

Edward is SO FUNNY!!! If Kirk and I are talking after we have laid down for bed. Edward will get fustrated with us. He will come into our room (all you see is his little figure because it is dark), and he tell us (holding his finger to his mouth) SHHHHHHHH!!! NO TALKING!!!! Sleep!! This cracks me up because, I have no clue where he got this from. We have never gone into his bedroom and told him that before.

No Halloween Celebrated Here

We don't celebrate Halloween in our house. We celebrate Fall/Harvest This is our choice. We feel that Halloween is not a holiday, that we as Christians should celebrate. Yes, that means our son, doesn't get to go trick or treating but we don't feel that he is missing out on much. It is just so dangerous to go trick or treating anyways. He is old enough to understand that Halloween is a day (thanks to the fact that people do celebrate it and tend to decorate their homes (some not so tastefully)) that might look fun, but we are trying to give him our Christian values and see that it isn't a day that God would want us to celebrate. So since we kept seeing houses decorated for Halloween, and Edward wanted to decorate, we decorated for Fall/Harvest. We have a beautiful fake pumpkin that is engraved with a great saying: Praise God, from whom all blessings flow, on each side of that pumpking which is sitting on a couple of bricks to give it some height, is a scarecrow, a boy and a girl....they are cute not scary looking. So that you can't see the bricks we have 2 small potted mums in front of the bricks. On our 2nd step down are 3 more fake pumpkins. These ones look like real pumpkins. We bought them at Wal-Mart. No carvings in them. I had another big basket full of mums but they died in the warmer days that we had a few weeks ago. We had planted Marigolds in the front yard in the little wooden wheelbarrow left behind by the previous home owners, but we have a squirrel in the neighborhood who will not leave them alone, he keeps digging them up. I finally gave up. We have a beautiful fall wreath hanging by the front window, beside it is a fall pumpkin sign welcoming friends, and beneath that is a slate plaque with a basket of apples, that says happy harvest. So see we do decorate, we just choose to do it for Fall/Harvest not Halloween. For the most part Edward seems to understand that Halloween is a no no, but I think it might be a little harder to explain next year but God will help us with this. I have a few great books to refer to incase he has questions. Praise the Lord for those.

Lonely Mommy

I am feeling quite blue today. I feel so lonely and isolated lately. It isn't like I don't get out either. I take Edward to Kindermusik every Friday and to Bowling every Saturday. I need a friend or two, someone to hang with. I had a couple of friends in OK, that I could do that with but since we moved to Kansas, I have been feeling lonelier than ever. I hate my Social Anxiety Disorder, it keeps me from joining in on things. I am so uncomfortable around people I don't know, especially in larger groups. I always feel like I am being judged and that I am ugly and no one would ever want to be my friend. It is hard for me to jump in to conversations, to even say hi to people, when I feel like I want to. I just clam up. I need prayers, that I can find a few close Christian girlfriends here in Kansas. Someone who is a SAHM and with a child Edwards age, preferably one who understand and accept me for who I am. I have great friends like that but non of them live around here. I know if they did, I wouldn't be writing this post in my blog.

Ovulation Test Fustration

I have been using those Clearblue Ovulation kits for the past 3 days, and I am not getting an ovulation sign at all. I am so fustrated, I am afraid that they aren't doing what they are suppose to and I am ovulating an missing the window when I could be trying to get pregnant. I am praying I get a surge line and soon, if I don't get one this month I am going to be very upset with those test, because I know I should ovulate since I am on the Clomid. ARG!!!! I wish getting pregnant was easier.