Time to get down and dirty

Well the construction is pretty much over with. Everyone is gone and it just back to me & Edward. I have been BUSY unpacking and finding places for everything in the kitchen and new playroom/theater room. I can say that the new bathroom is pretty much put together. I just have to cartons to unload for the bathroom and it is completed. I have all the cartons for the kitchen unloaded now too (just finished that a few minutes ago....felt I deserved a break). Still have things though in the kitchen to clean and put away. I still wish we would have rented one of those Pods, trust me, we will the next time we do any major construction. A friend from church is coming over tomorrow to help me out a little. That will be nice, at least I will have someone to chat with. I think we will conquer the school room and dining room, since most of the school stuff can now be moved into what is left of the old kitchen. Saturday the same little gal (a daughter of one of Kirk's co workers ) will be coming to help me. I am hoping that we will be able to finish up the playroom/theater room and Edward's bedroom. I am getting that. I have to have the whole house put back together by a week from tomorrow as I have The Maids coming in to do the deep yucky dusty cleaning work since I can't do it because of my asthma and allergies (have already been kicking up enough of that junk as it is). Kirk has been under the weather all week. I need him to get back to normal so we can empty the guest room of all the boxes from the old craftroom that is now the new washroom and help me take them up to the attic for the time being. We hope to in a couple of years redo the basement and turn it into a large craftroom for me, but until then most of it has to go up in the attic (unless it is heat and cold weather sensitive, then I have to find someplace else that is safe to put it for the time being). I can not wait for this house to get back to normal, sometimes I look at it and think it is never going to be that way again. This week is also hectic with Edwards schedule...he had Kindermusik this morning, he has his Homeschool Bowling League Awards ceremony tomorrow afternoon and we have blastball practice in the evening, then we have co-op and Monart class on Friday. Somewhere in all of this I need to get things ready for his birthday part that is a week from Saturday. Oie Vey where in the world has the time been flying too? Well that is about it in a nutshell.

Not Dealing With Life Well Right Now...DEPRESSED BIG TIME

Lately I haven't been dealing with life issues very well. To much here at home going on with the remodel and renovation (feeling overwhelmed), Kirk's mom is coming for a week, Edward's 5th Birthday Party is less than 2 weeks away, and then yesterday when I got to church I noticed someone was pregnant (or at least looked like they were...trust me it isn't that I am not exstactic and over joyed from them, I am...I am being selfish and demanding God tell me why it isn't me). Lately I find myself being overly selfishness and distrusting God that He knew and was doing what was right for our family when my heart wants something else so badly. It is so hard sometimes, I know I have to trust and have faith in God, even if the answer is no or later. It just seems that later isn't the answer either given time lines, and to be truthful it breaks my heart to think of Edward being an only child...I know one day (if the Lord doesn't come first) that Kirk and I will leave this earth and Edward will be all alone on it (I know of course he will have God to lean on and care for him). I know that one day he will marry and have a family of his own but he wont have siblings to love and support him, to remember his growing up times with or his parents specialness. I also see him around littler children and I see how much of a great big brother he would be and it breaks my heart that I can't give him that. I hate having PCOS. It sucks so much but I know that there is a reason for everything and it is all in God's plans for us. I think partly a lot of this has to do with Edwards birthday, the fact that he is getting older and how much of an age difference there would be between him and another child now. I just need to be thankful and grateful that God has given me Edward and quit dwelling on what probably will never be. I feel by not trusting that it will happen in God's timing or accepting that He might have already given us the answer in the form of No, that I am not be faithful in him. Does that make sense? Well, at least I got a good cry out of confessing and write this entry. It is so hard, I feel sometimes as if I am all alone and no one understands (especially family).