In Loving Memory

Today was a very sad day in the Thompson Household. We had our almost 12 yr old Beagle, Sebastian, put to sleep this morning at the vets. The house is a little quieter, a little lonelier, just different. I guess it will feel that way for a little while. Kirk isn't dealing well with this, as Sebastian was his dog (mainly). Kirk is already talking about getting another dog. I said I don't want to right now. I have reasons, for 1 I don't want Edward to think that loved ones are replaceable and that you can't have time to mourn someone before someone new comes into your life. I want to give everyone (including Bear and Storm) time to adjust to the fact that Sebastian isn't here with us anymore.

Edwards Big Night

This week was VBS....the theme was Pirates. Edward has been enjoying himself. Tonight there was an alter call for anyone who wanted to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Edward raised his hand and went up. He was the first child to go up. He prayed that Jesus would come into his heart and be his Lord and Savior. PTL! Yes, I had tears in my eyes. I know that Edward knew what this meant because he stated afterwards that this meant he would get to go to heaven and not to the bad place where Satan was. After Edward was done, it was like a flood gate was opened and about 10 more kids followed suit and got saved.

4th of July

This 4th of July, we went to a picnic at church. We had fun.

Swimming Lessons

This year Edward took swimming lessons again. This year was one step of where he was last year (this year he was a Goldfish). He did awesome. He will take this class again at the beginning of August. He has improved so much over last year. Even would jump into the water or go under water.

British Soccer Challenge Camp

In June Edward participated in a British Soccer Challenge Camp, he loved it. It was his first time to play soccer. His coach said that he was good on the defense. He had a great time making new friends. He says he wants to play soccer again. He seemened to enjoy it alot more than he did playing Blast Ball.

Let Me Count the Ways...........

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I thought it would be fun to share a dozen ways that I love summer and then hear yours:

1. The Smell of Hawaiian Tropic Sun Tan Lotion

2. The taste of Sun Tea

3. The sound of children splashing in a pool

4. The Feel of Running through a sprinkler

5. The sound of the Ice Cream Man coming down the street

6. The look on my sons face when he's eating a chocolate dipped cone

7. The fun of an inpromptu water balloon fight with my husband and son

8. The freedom to have old fashion fun summer seems to give to children of all ages

9. The smell of fresh cut lawns

10. The taste of so many lovely fruits combined together in a summer fruit salad

11. The smell of bar b ques cooking all over the neighborhood

12. The feel of floating down a lazy river

Our Parents Rights are in Jeopardy.

I found this on another persons CafeMom webpage but I feel it is exteremly important to get post it here, especially since Barak Obama is a huge supporter of the CRC. We need to put our foot down and stop this before we have NO SAY in how our children are raised. I personally have read the preamble and the 54 Articles that accompany it. Here is a link to the preamble and its 54 articles under this act : http://www.unhchr.ch/html/menu3/b/k2crc.htm When reading it some of it sounds great and I would support certain parts of it but not the CRC as a whole. It has to many loop holes that allows the government the right to come into your home and tell you how to raise your children, giving the child the right to say how they should be raised and allowing them the right to basically tell you to drop dead, they don't have to do as you say. We need to be praying and praying hard that this act is never put into place in our country. We need to take action as parents to insure that it wont happen. Please do what you have to, to insure that our rights as parents are not taken away from us.

From http://www.parentalrights.org/
October 15, 2007

WITHOUT OUR CONSENT: The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child
In 1995, President Clinton signed the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC), an international treaty which requires that all decisions regarding children - whether made by the government, the community, or the parents - should be decided based on the "best interests of the child." According to Geraldine van Bueren, a principal drafter of the CRC, "best interests provides decision and policy makers with the authority to substitute their own decisions for either the child's or the parents."
Under the CRC, parental involvement essentially assumes secondary importance because the CRC places the primary responsibility on the state to ensure and protect the rights of children. Parents lose their ability to make decisions for their children, and surrender that authority to the government.

"THE SUPREME LAW OF THE LAND"
Under Article VI of the Constitution, treaties that have been ratified by the U.S. Senate become the "supreme law of the land." State laws and federal statutes are both subservient to a ratified treaty. The only law that can supersede a treaty is the Constitution itself, and the rights it explicitly grants to its citizens.
Thankfully, the United States has not ratified the CRC because no President has ever sent the CRC to the Senate for approval. But even if the CRC is never explicitly ratified, America could still be subjected to its provisions, under the anti-democracratic legal doctrine of customary international law.

WHAT IS CUSTOMARY INTERNATIONAL LAW?
Customary international law is comprised of the customs and norms that have been generally accepted by the world society. Customary international law creeps into American society as an unwritten law and is compiled every year by a committee of international jurists and law professors who meet together to survey what they consider to be the significant trends in international law. Unlike treaties, which are drafted, signed, and ratified by sovereign nation-states, international law is simply imposed by judges.

IS THE CRC PART OF CUSTOMARY INTERNATIONAL LAW?
There is mounting evidence that the CRC is being co-opted into customary international law. Two international tribunals - the European Court of Human Rights and the Inter-American Court of Human Rights - have both used the CRC to interpret other international treaties, and to define the responsibilities that the state has toward children. In its 2005 decision of Roper v. Simmons, the U.S. Supreme Court stopped short of declaring that the CRC had become customary international law, but it did cite the CRC as evidence that the United States now "stands alone" in its support of the juvenile death penalty.
If the CRC is co-opted into customary international law, the results will be severe. The CRC's emphasis on the best interests of the child allows the government to invade the private sphere of the home in ways that American law has never allowed. For example, the CRC empowers the government to:
Ensure that every child has the right to make their own decisions about religion and to decide who they associate with - even over the objections of their parents.
Require all teachers - whether public officials or private individuals - to teach certain "core" principles in their classrooms, including a love for diversity, adherence to the principles of the United Nations, and respect for the environment.
Collect private information - including medical records - and place it into a government database, to ensure that the CRC's requirements are met.
Remove a child from his or her home if the government deems that the parents are not making decisions based on the child's "best interests" or "evolving capacities."

MAKING OUR VOICES HEARD
Once ratified - or co-opted into customary international law - the CRC will become part of the "supreme law of the land," even though its provisions have been crafted and defined by the United Nations and foreign judges, not by our duly-elected Congress and President. The only way to prevent international law from injecting the state into the family is by amending the U.S. Constitution to guarantee that parents - not government officials - have the right to guide and direct the upbringing of their children.
Together, we can shield our children from the threat of international law. Join with us by encouraging your friends to get involved in the battle to protect parental rights. Forward this email to your friends, and encourage them to join the campaign today and sign the petition at http://www.parentalrights.org/pages/public/petition.aspx?071015.
SOURCES
Geraldine van Bueren, International Law on the Rights of the Child (1998)
UN Convention the Rights of the Childwww.ohchr.org/english/law/pdf/crc.pdf

Get Your Pink On!!

Okay Girls & Guys;
June 23rd (always this day every year) is National Pink Day! Get out there and wear some pink. National Pink Day, a day where everything should be basking in pink splendor! It's easy to enjoy and to participate in National Pink Day. Bring your pink elephant out of hiding. Wear pink, and show off everything you have that's pink, from clothing and shoes to other possessions. Be creative. Use food coloring to make pink meals. Pink frosting on a cake or cookies will be a big hit today. There is no known creator, or the origin of this day. There is no known documentation confirming this to be a "National" day.....but since I love pink and you can find National Pink Day by doing a search on the WWW .... I am running with it as far as I can take it.
I LOVE PINK!!

National Childrens Day!

Did you know that today was National Childrens Day? NCD is the 2nd Sunday of June. During this time you are asked to make a commitment to your child(ren) or the child(ren) in your live. An example of that commitment is: As a parent/guardian, I will commit myself, in the coming year, to love, cherish, nurture(physical, mental, emotional, & spiritual needs), and affirm...
And No Kids this doesn't mean that there are presents involved except those that your parents have for you on their commitment cards. To me those are the best presents of all that a parent or someone that loves you can give to you.

Watch Out Edward is at the Wheel

Thought that you would enjoy this picture of Edward behind the wheel of a Go Kart. This if the first time that he has ever driven on by himself. He usually rides double with Kirk or I. He was so excited about this adventure. BTW, this was at Kirk's Works Company Picnic Yesterday.

Hold Your Children A Little Tighter

Please cherish every moment the Lord give you with your children because you never know when it might be your last. Yesterday morning I received a phone call from the head of our homeschool Co-op letting me know that one of my fellow homeschool moms passed away this morning. She was about my age (35) and had 3 beautiful children (a 12 yr old, a 8 yr old and a 4 yr old (approximate ages of the children)). Her name was Desiree also. There was no know reason for her passing this morning. I don't know when we will know. All I can do right now is think about those 3 beautiful children and the fact that they will never have their mommy tuck them, kiss them, laugh with them, cry with them, hold them when they hurt or rejoice with them when they accomplish something. Please keep her husband, their children and the extend family in your prayers at this time. Please hug your children and let go of the small stuff. Time is just to short.

************** UPDATE ***************added June 11, 2008******************
Desiree had been having some issues with fainting and her heart, they aren't sure if this is what took her life. I haven't heard about the results of the autopsy yet. A correction about her age she was 32 (born on Dec 1975...). When I was reading her obituary in the paper, I found it odd that not only did we both share the same first name, but our grandmas did too (Sylvia). She will be greatly missed. Please continue to keep her family in your prayers as they are facing some huge adjustments in their family right now.

Just Attended My First Homeschool Convention

Wooooo whoooo!! I went to my first homeschool convention this past weekend. I was unable to attend any of the workshops but that is okay because I was able to buy them on CD to listen to at my convenience. I can not wait to get started on that...I have 21 of them to listen 2 plus to others that I bought at a speakers booth on some subjects not covered at the convention. I was able to see so many products and pick the things that look right for us to use this year. Edward is now officially signed up to use the Sonlight K curriculum. Just purchased it. We are also going to be using Math U See (Edward is already begging to start this and I think we will), Character First, A Reason for Handwriting and A Reason for Spelling. I bought the newcomer on the Sonlight so the items I don't intend to use, I will be selling next year at the used book fair that our co-op puts on. I just had to share. Next year I plan to go both days and attend the workshops, Edward will be old enough to attend Adventures In Character that they have for 6 to 12 yr olds at the convention.
A Side note, Edward just started up his Summer Bowling League today. He is doing awesome. He got a 69 and a 74 today, that included 1 spare and a couple of very close other ones.

No Bump My Bumper Car

Instead of opting to stay home this past Memorial Day Weekend, at the last minute we opted to take Edward to Kansas City, MO to go to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun. We had a blast. We are so glad that we decided to go somewhere after all then staying home all weekend. Trust me there were things around the house we could have gotten done but we needed a little time away as a family too. Edward has a blast. He rode lots of rides and we played for hours in the water park (Oceans of Fun). He loved riding on the Go Karts with Daddy and the kiddy bumper cars. He absolutely was funny on the bumper cars, He was a very cautious driver and didn't like having other "bump" into him. He would actually "chew" them out for bumping into his car. All he wanted to do was "drive" not "bump" the car. Needless to say we all got a little to much sun this weekend and I am the one paying the most for it. Yes, I took sunblock I just forgot the first day when I changed into my swimming suit to put reapply the block the the areas covered by my t-shirt when I orginally applied it. Trust me, I remembered the 2nd day. Well now we are back home and ready for a unusually busy week with 2 doctors appointments for me, a homeschool seminar and convention. I think that they only day I don't have something going on personally is Friday. Next week Edward starts back to bowling for the summer.

5 yr well child check up

Edward had his 5 yr old well child check up today. He weighed in at 43lbs (in the 63rd percentile for weight) and 43 1/2 inches tall (in the 61st percentile for height). His hearing is great. He was able to complete all the tasks that were asked of him, even a few with a little comedy added on his part. They told him to look at a eye chart and he was closing his eyes to think of the shapes instead of looking at them. Then when told to cover one of his eyes, he covered both while squeezing his eyes shut. The worst part of this was the 4 shots he had to receive at the end of the visit. Good news is that these were the last of his immunizations and he will not require any others until his tetanus shot at 10 or 11 yrs old. He was happy to hear that.

Caught In The Cookie "Jar"

I had to make cookies today for the Homeschool Co-op Graduation on Saturday. I had about 2 1/2 dozen cookies cooling and on plates ready to be packaged. I had ran upstairs to get some information off the computer. I come back downstairs, and find an entire plate of a dozen cookies missing. No Edward in sight. I call for him, no answer. I call outside for him and no answer. Then I see him walking from behind the garage, headed towards the neighbors house. I tell him to come back into the house. He makes his way very slowly back towards me, I see that in his hand are about 3 cookies. I ask him where the rest are. He refuses to answer. Kirk is on the phone with me. He asks to talk to Edward. He is telling Edward to tell me that they (the cookies) just jumped into his tummy and disappeared. Edward is say no daddy that is lying. However when asked again he still denies that he ate them when there are clearly some missing (about 3 in all total...he had laid the rest of the cookies back on the empty cooling racks). Finally he fesses up that he ate them. Crazy kid. He was upset, I told him that that was okay all I wanted to know was what happened to the cookies...then I reminded him that mommy had told him to ask before he took anymore because she needed so many of them to take in the morning.

Please Pray For the Chapman Family

If you are not aware of this, on Wednesday 21, 2008 while in the driveway of her parents home, 5 yr old Maria Chapman was ran over with a vechile. She died at the hospital from her injuries. Maria was the youngest of the 6 Chapman children. She and the 2 other youngest girls were adopted from China by the Chapman family. Please pray for this family during this difficult time. Reports are that it was a older sibling who accidentally struck Maria with the vechile, please pray for this young person. They are in the greatest need of our prayers as this will effect their entire life. Maria just turned 5, 10 days ago. This little girl will be deeply missed by her parents and siblings. Pray for healing over this family and God's guidance during these difficult days ahead. You can find out more by going to www.stevencurtischapman.com, there you will find places to donate in lue of flowers and a message board link where you can leave a personal condolence message for the family.

Feeding Giraffes

In case you don't know Giraffes are Edwards most favorite animal of all. He absolutely loves them and has for a couple of years now. Not sure why he does, guess one day I will have to ask him that. Anyway we had his birthday party at the zoo this year but were unable to tour the zoo personally after his party was over. We had friend up from out of town and wanted to show off our remodel. Edward lucked out because I decided I would take him back in a few weeks. Well I took him today and went you know it by the time we got to the Giraffes it was when you could pay a dollar to feed them. I so wanted to do this as part of his party but was unable to get it lined up. So today we got to feed the giraffes and what an experience that was. Edward says it was yucky because they liked him and got his hand all slobbery. But I could tell that he loved personally being able to get so close to his favorite animal of all time.

Urgent Prayers Need for a Toddler

There is a toddler in our church (under 2 yrs of age) that is the in the hospital for Type I Diabetes. His parents (Denny and Shanna) took him to the doctors and found out he was Diabetic, if they had not taken him, he would be in diabetic coma. His blood sugar levels were over 660, over 6 times what it should be for a child that age. Please keep this little one in your prayers and his family too. I will keep you posted as I found out news.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

UPDATE: The little boy might have been able to go home yesterday. This family is in urgent need of your prayers. They have 4 other children, they are concerned about insurance costs. He will have to receive insulin via shots, the mom is concerned about the caregiver of the little boy as she is afraid of needles. Please pray that God give her the peace to be able to do this for the little boy and that the insurance costs aren't to overwhelming. I will keep you updated as I find out more.

Why Is It????

Why is it that as soon as people hear the words "We Homeschool", they look at you like you are an alien from outer space? They instantaneously judge you and think you are a weirdo for wanting to homeschool. I hear comments all the time like "He wont be socialized", "What about College?", "Won't he miss out on the "normal" things", "How will he make friends his age", "Why don't you cut the apron strings and let him go to real life school?" and so many more. Yes, he is socialized probably far better than most kids his age. He is able to interact with people of all ages, not just children his age. Yes, he can and will go to college. Homeschool Children get High School Credits and Diploma's just like those who attend public and private schools. And guess what, they get to have a real graduation too. "Normal" things, not quite sure what is meant by this statement but if it means do I want my son going to school every day having his back pack checked and sent through a metal detector just to get into the school building...then NO I don't want him to go through those "Normal" things. If by "Normal" things, they mean introduced to drugs, bullies and peer pressure by 4 yrs old, then NO I don't want those "Normal" things for him either. If "Normal" things means having lables slapped on him by adults who are suppose to their to guide them through the most important time of their life, then NO I don't want that for him either. Now please don't get me wrong, not all public and private schools are bad, there are great ones out there ( I do feel that the public school system as a whole though is in great need of a major over haul). Not saying that there aren't any locally either, just saying that I choose to educate my son at home....where he isn't just learning Reading, Writing and Arithmetic, he is learning about God (no I don't believe that it is the churches place either to be responsible to "educate" my son in Christianity....where in the Bible does that say that....it is us, as their parents, responsibility souly to do that....church is a corner stone in that foundation of Christianity that you are helping your child build), Family Foundations, Good Ethics, A adventurous love for learning, Freedom to learn what they want and how they want, Freedom to learn they way they want (and if necessary, in a way that is souly individualized for them and their learning style), and most of all being Loved and Guided by a adult who truly loves and cares for them and their what their future will hold for them. As for making friends his own age, he has plenty of them through Homeschool Co-op, Kindermusik, Bowling League, Monart, Church and various other activities we do with him. It's not like we have him locked up in the house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Yes, I am well aware of the fact that some homeschool families are very strict about interaction and so forth. But do not judge me and the fact that I choose to homeschool, based on them. Just like I don't children who are public or privately schooled, to be hellions, rebels, wild uncontrollable children. I know some great children who are in public school as I speak. I love them for who they are not how they are educated. We have just educated ourselves, looked at all the options, prayed about where and what God had in store for us in the means of Education and went where He led us. I live in a country where this is a FREEDOM, it is My CHOICE not that of those around me. This is a FREEDOM I am grateful for each and every day. I do not take this FREEDOM light and neither does any of the homeschooling families I personally know. Each of us have chosen to homeschool because that is what God has called us to do for our children and our families. As for "cutting the apron strings" I think I just answered that question. My son, is not going to be any less of a man when he grows up because he was homeschooled by his Mom, I pray that homeschooling him will make him that much better of a Man and a stronger Christian.

My Baby's 5 today!

Well it is official, Edward is 5 yrs old. I want to cry. The time just seems to be flying by. Of course the last 48 hours, I have been going through my typical where I was and what was happening at the time of his birth mode that I do every year. He had a wonderful birthday party this past Saturday at the zoo with his friend (my laptop is down so pictures might take a while to follow). Today his Grandma (who is here from WA state to share his birthday week with him), his daddy, myself and Edward will be having an all day party to celebrate him. God truly blessed us with a miracle when he blessed us with Edward. I am ever so thankful that even with my PCOS that I was able to experience giving birth and that the product of that was my son, my blessing, my miracle, my gift from God. He was well worth the wait we had to endure. God knew the perfect time to send him to us, we love him so much and are able to enjoy him. THANK YOU GOD FOR EDWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chef Edward

I got this cute little Personalized (it says Chef Edward) Chefs Jacket and hat online for Edward. He loves to help me cook and we watch cooking shows together all the time, so I thought it would be cute if he had his own Chefs Jacket and hat. We just got it today, so I wanted to take a picture before he got busy really cooking in it. Yes, this picture was taken in our new kitchen.

Rayon Blankets

This is just a little warning. I bought a beautiful rayon throw blanket for our guest room, due to all the dust from the construction I had to wash it. Well low and be hold, washing it in the machine caused it to leave little "duck" feathery things all over the rest of the bedding in the machine. Then when I put it in the dryer it over filled the lint trap about 6 times in the time it was in the dryer. I finally had to take it out and let it finish drying on it's own. I made the mistake of not reading the tag and treating it like any other blanket. It should have been washed on the hand wash cycle and then laid flat to dry (yeah who in the world does that with a blanket).

One Week Later...

Well it has been a week now since the house has officially become construction worker free. We have been busting butt to get things back into order around here, and I must say that it is coming along nicely....however slower that I would like. A dear friend from Church came on Saturday and helped for a good part of the day....bless her heart. It was very helpful and nice having the extra set of hands. Things defiantly will not be prefect for my mother in laws visit however I will not have to worry about her trying to squeeze down the stairs or tripping and falling on a box. Plus we will have somewhere to sit, that is a huge plus right now, and she now has a room to sleep in where she wont have to climb over boxes to get to the bed. I have been working on the living room all afternoon (since we got home from Kindermusik....could have gotten in 3 more hours on it, if it wasn't for that....but I LOVE Kindermusik class and so does Edward so it was worth the detour in the cleaning). Tomorrow is all the houses, as is Thrusday. I was able to put off the maids until Friday afternoon. Which is a huge plus. Trust me, we need them to get rid of this dust. I had Kirk take Edward to the park for a little while, poor thing has been cooped up in the house all day and is very restless. Edward and I were both so exhausted last night that we were in bed by 8:30pm and still slept until 9am. Granted I didn't sleep that well all night long...haven't been able to do that for some time now. My plan of attack is to get the frontroom, dining room (which is 75% less homeschool stuff now...moved most of it into what was left of the old kitchen....still need to get a good deal of it put away), and the kitchen all in order by Friday when the maids come. Edwards Bedroom, our Bedroom and new Theater/Playroom can wait until after grandma leaves. Will have to have the maids back again once the house is completely back together that is okay, want to get rid of all this yucky blucky dust. Well, the front room is calling my name, better get back to working on it. I promise after my Mother In Law comes there will be pictures of the finished areas....just dont want to ruin the suprise since she will be the first family member to see what we have done.

Time to get down and dirty

Well the construction is pretty much over with. Everyone is gone and it just back to me & Edward. I have been BUSY unpacking and finding places for everything in the kitchen and new playroom/theater room. I can say that the new bathroom is pretty much put together. I just have to cartons to unload for the bathroom and it is completed. I have all the cartons for the kitchen unloaded now too (just finished that a few minutes ago....felt I deserved a break). Still have things though in the kitchen to clean and put away. I still wish we would have rented one of those Pods, trust me, we will the next time we do any major construction. A friend from church is coming over tomorrow to help me out a little. That will be nice, at least I will have someone to chat with. I think we will conquer the school room and dining room, since most of the school stuff can now be moved into what is left of the old kitchen. Saturday the same little gal (a daughter of one of Kirk's co workers ) will be coming to help me. I am hoping that we will be able to finish up the playroom/theater room and Edward's bedroom. I am getting that. I have to have the whole house put back together by a week from tomorrow as I have The Maids coming in to do the deep yucky dusty cleaning work since I can't do it because of my asthma and allergies (have already been kicking up enough of that junk as it is). Kirk has been under the weather all week. I need him to get back to normal so we can empty the guest room of all the boxes from the old craftroom that is now the new washroom and help me take them up to the attic for the time being. We hope to in a couple of years redo the basement and turn it into a large craftroom for me, but until then most of it has to go up in the attic (unless it is heat and cold weather sensitive, then I have to find someplace else that is safe to put it for the time being). I can not wait for this house to get back to normal, sometimes I look at it and think it is never going to be that way again. This week is also hectic with Edwards schedule...he had Kindermusik this morning, he has his Homeschool Bowling League Awards ceremony tomorrow afternoon and we have blastball practice in the evening, then we have co-op and Monart class on Friday. Somewhere in all of this I need to get things ready for his birthday part that is a week from Saturday. Oie Vey where in the world has the time been flying too? Well that is about it in a nutshell.

Not Dealing With Life Well Right Now...DEPRESSED BIG TIME

Lately I haven't been dealing with life issues very well. To much here at home going on with the remodel and renovation (feeling overwhelmed), Kirk's mom is coming for a week, Edward's 5th Birthday Party is less than 2 weeks away, and then yesterday when I got to church I noticed someone was pregnant (or at least looked like they were...trust me it isn't that I am not exstactic and over joyed from them, I am...I am being selfish and demanding God tell me why it isn't me). Lately I find myself being overly selfishness and distrusting God that He knew and was doing what was right for our family when my heart wants something else so badly. It is so hard sometimes, I know I have to trust and have faith in God, even if the answer is no or later. It just seems that later isn't the answer either given time lines, and to be truthful it breaks my heart to think of Edward being an only child...I know one day (if the Lord doesn't come first) that Kirk and I will leave this earth and Edward will be all alone on it (I know of course he will have God to lean on and care for him). I know that one day he will marry and have a family of his own but he wont have siblings to love and support him, to remember his growing up times with or his parents specialness. I also see him around littler children and I see how much of a great big brother he would be and it breaks my heart that I can't give him that. I hate having PCOS. It sucks so much but I know that there is a reason for everything and it is all in God's plans for us. I think partly a lot of this has to do with Edwards birthday, the fact that he is getting older and how much of an age difference there would be between him and another child now. I just need to be thankful and grateful that God has given me Edward and quit dwelling on what probably will never be. I feel by not trusting that it will happen in God's timing or accepting that He might have already given us the answer in the form of No, that I am not be faithful in him. Does that make sense? Well, at least I got a good cry out of confessing and write this entry. It is so hard, I feel sometimes as if I am all alone and no one understands (especially family).